Too many God damn questions are spinning around my head. I honestly don't know where to go from here. I don't think fulfillment will ever be granted because the human spirit is always searching for more. I wish I had learned German so it wouldn't be so difficult, and to think at one time I wanted to be a linguistics major! RIDICULOUS! Centrifigual force is keeping me against the wall. Good news I am looking forward, toward the door. It's pretty dark on the other side, but when have I been afraid of anything, ever? Except maybe my own self and potential. I think it's pretty vast... I haven't tapped into it yet ... which is a travesty and injustice onto myself. Hmmm, funny how reduntant such simple things as words can become when the mind merely thinks through the hands. I certainly hope this is not the beginning of the end. It hasn't been a very long ride... I don't think I can go on forever wondering and love really isn't enough. A certain quality I lack is "It's safe so I'll hang". It's commiting emotional fraud to honestly believe it to be true, no matter what aspect.
I feel older today. Much older than I thought I'd ever feel. There's a life out there that has passed me by. The throne has been handed to the next generation. Something I was not too long ago a part of...now it's absolutely obsolete. The mind ages, the body ages but the heart keeps vigor and knows no age. Tries desperately to fool the rest of the body....Wants its world to be forever buzzing with vibrant energy. Pretty funny. When we die the heart must be the last thing to go and the first to clutch desperately the memories of a beautiful bygone life.
Ah, well there you go...dishes are waiting.
