Big Voice and Even Bigger Heart

You can take the kid out of the Met but not the Met out of the kid... High hopes are certainly springing eternal.. Opportunity is certainly knocking...the question is, which door to open?! How many other clichés shall I present here? The greatest operas usually include the tenor winning.... Dear friends, our hero has finally crossed that great stage of life and now has a voice outside of music. A big voice, as big as his song...and you want to know what? He has won, multitudes, he has and it shall not end here! He's got the right people (always start out with a few of the right people and of course work your way up) in his corner.. and seniority did not win out, just the love of our dear tenor. Mmmm satisfaction after so many years at the gray factory churning out 12 tonal crap, you know, the kind of stuff that leaves a bad taste in your mouth and only conductors enjoy for its complexities... he has finally arrived in a respectful venue, a place where he was handpicked to become the next whatever... the claim to fame for ALL parties involved... a brainchild, a centerpiece to certainly be presented in the most flattering of lights... well all this blogger can say is.. thank you Europe, thank You Austria and thank you Landestheater. 200 jahre indeed!

New York Depiction

Tonight I saw a movie,
The language which unknown to me
But the flames burned trumpeting gold
Ringing out the beauty
Of the Tree...
Mad dashers
Driven only by lights
Crowded sidewalks
Each their own plight
Neon Gods burning bright
Sanctuary offered
In their light
This was life
this is life
Standing here
Among the marvels
New and decidedly unknowing
Yellow its undauntingly flowing
Down unyielding corridors
Carousing, perusing
The bounties of my mind
I have entered
I have left,
The beauty of the times
Tonight I saw a movie
The language which unknown to me
But still it ran deeply
In the recesses of my memory.

jkg 11/11/03

Title made famous by Eddie Vedder's Head

I suppose you'll never have to be alone
As long as the lights are spinning
mad oblivion
Keep going upward until you touch the beginning
Of the end
Never have to be alone
Luckily the incessant pumping
Keeps you from dumping
All the relationships
Which keep you who you are.
movemovemovemovemovemove

Fluidity and dj faster faster spinning faster
hot light running through alabaster
for sex you climb, for release you climb
for hunger, for thirst you climb
What height will you allow?
Everything that goes up
Must come down
But it's alright 'we are the generation of love... this is the time for love devotion'

To realize the paths of the innocent and walk along the paths of the past
To remember my name the message has been waiting here all along.
Don't think that there are any other roads to walk down. I have lost my name
Somehow along the way and I have been forsaken
and here I rise out of the mud, battered and name forgotten.
yeah right

MANNY and BIG GIRL (think Little Girl in the Big Ten)

MANNY

Why worry? Why worry?.... They are all looking for the one thing they can't see...

There's a world outside waiting, wondering, hoping, dancing, laughing. inviting .. Being

Why worry, why worry? There's always going to be you and it ... There are no more reasons to try if you give it up.

The applause is deafening and the worry is drowning... deep and deep it flows but why?

I see so many other ways to go around and about, so why worry? There will never be lonliness in an otherwise full heart. There will never be failure in an otherwise winsome heart. There will never be doubt in an otherwise concious heart. Send your love out to the world and they will raise their hands.

BIG GIRL

Mixed up, coagulated and spit out, there are no re entries....A voice is loud and deep when it says to go through regardless... I don't think you could look lower. Tough person stand there and prove yourself. Time and time over and over again... Why to whom? Nothing to prove big girl. Nothing to prove to anyone but yourself.... But life is too much and the answers are cryptic and seldom.... So pretend... Pretend away... I can see through it. Sad is you can't. Big girl, don't want to have no more that's too hard to split. Easy to say yes and away you go.... through the door through the curtains and selfish is as selfish does, you come back hurting 3 instead of one. Luckily, you can pied piper the blind, never have to be alone. Hand needs to be held. One after the other.... no breaks, no commitment to yourself. Big girl... the blind handle the world for you. Living in a world where Elvis still croons to the back beat of a DJ spinning makes it easy to become the martyr. I certainly hope your wooden cross falls to shit, splinters and heals the blind. No one deserves to see more than them.


Ah I have returned!

--jkg

Wine ages well but can people?

Too many God damn questions are spinning around my head. I honestly don't know where to go from here. I don't think fulfillment will ever be granted because the human spirit is always searching for more. I wish I had learned German so it wouldn't be so difficult, and to think at one time I wanted to be a linguistics major! RIDICULOUS! Centrifigual force is keeping me against the wall. Good news I am looking forward, toward the door. It's pretty dark on the other side, but when have I been afraid of anything, ever? Except maybe my own self and potential. I think it's pretty vast... I haven't tapped into it yet ... which is a travesty and injustice onto myself. Hmmm, funny how reduntant such simple things as words can become when the mind merely thinks through the hands. I certainly hope this is not the beginning of the end. It hasn't been a very long ride... I don't think I can go on forever wondering and love really isn't enough. A certain quality I lack is "It's safe so I'll hang". It's commiting emotional fraud to honestly believe it to be true, no matter what aspect.

I feel older today. Much older than I thought I'd ever feel. There's a life out there that has passed me by. The throne has been handed to the next generation. Something I was not too long ago a part of...now it's absolutely obsolete. The mind ages, the body ages but the heart keeps vigor and knows no age. Tries desperately to fool the rest of the body....Wants its world to be forever buzzing with vibrant energy. Pretty funny. When we die the heart must be the last thing to go and the first to clutch desperately the memories of a beautiful bygone life.

Ah, well there you go...dishes are waiting.

My home is a big charred mess and there is nothing I can do about it!

What an absolute strange turn of events, yet again. Everywhere we go, we seem to leave death and mass destruction behind.. I can give you 4 very specific examples of this odd phenomenon.

1. The World Trade Center collapses as we are travelling across country on our way back to NYC... We had sublet the apt. that summer and moved to Carlsbad, Ca.

2. The heat wave in Europe this summer and the possible upcoming trend. Manny had just left Europe to spend a few weeks in Cali with us before we all had to leave in August.

3. The black out in NYC this summer.... We had just left NYC and were visiting friends in Cali.

4. The Fires raging out of control in Cali right now. Totally centered around my stomping grounds... SD, Temecula, LA... Weird... We are now in Austria

Am I the only one to find this odd? I hope I can come up with a logical explanantion, but I don't know!

Why do I feel like I'm drowning?

I am really happy here in Austria. There's a standard of living here that I didn't know in the States. Everywhere I look there is beauty. Beauty in the land, in the architecture, in the age, in the people and yet it's still very isolating. I think I miss NYC. I don't miss my hometown in Cali, I miss Manhattan. I miss Central Park, the stinking subways, the 8' snow drifts (black and yellow in color) that cause major problems while trying to cross the street! I miss rude NY'ers...the Yankees, Giuliani (though I certainly don't miss Bloomberg). The skyscrapers.. the Taxis. I miss driving down streets so full of deep potholes that your alignment needed to be re-aligned nearly every week. I miss the sounds, the noise, the constant drone cut open by screeching sirens 'round the clock. I miss the brightness of the air during mid winter when all the leaves have fallen and from the top of the Great Hill you can see all of Mid-town and most of Lower Manhattan... I miss the Met (who woulda thunk it??), Broadway, steaks at Roth's and calamari and chicken souvlaki at Niko's. I miss sitting outside, drinking fine wine on a warm, fragrant spring eve. I miss the deep orange, gold and red fall. I miss it so much my heart tears at the thought and my head swims.... I feel like one of those damn bobble heads people love to decorate their dashboards with. But for certain, a much more wise part of me never wants to leave Europe!

Ack! I can't really say that I am happy with blogspot's new format. Ah well, you know, bloggers can't be choosers!

Two glasses of white tonight and it feels like I have sand coarsing through my veins in place of blood. That's a bit alarming, either I'm too old to drink at this point or I've been drinking too long in too short of time. Hmm... interesting question.

I feel as if I am spinning in a centrifuge.... No up, no down just around and back. It's a pretty amazing feeling though... not one that I could recommend to those a bit weak at heart. Luckily, my family is an impenetrable force.. And we REALLY get off on those types of thrill rides. It's just one after the other...and amazingly, we ALWAYS live to tell about it!

I suppose everything has an explanation....but....??

My goodness but these weeks have flown by. I thought it'd be forever and a day until I saw my beautiful husband again. Husband-- that is still an alien term to me, though with each passing day I am growing more accustomed to it.

Life has changed and taken various forms... today I poured over our wedding video... what a romantic man I married. Adrian was barely a boy...Funny thing is it was only a year ago...it seems like ages.. So much has come to light in that short time as I'm sure much more is on the way. For whatever reason my husband and I can't live a life that's socially standard. It has to be filled with great highs and terrible lows, very rarely anything in betweeen.. I'm sure you realize that we aren't adventure seekers, it merely finds us.

I honestly can't remember a time when I was happier. My tenor husband is enabling me to realize my dreams. And together we are realizing ours. We are to go to Europe at the end of the summer. He is already there (obviously). Austria! Of all of the countries in Europe, Austria was one of my favorites. Being brought up on classical music, Mozart was a household name. To be able to walk the streets Herr Mozart once walked to stand in the place of his birth and demise has always been a compelling thought...now it comes to light!

To this blogger, life is moving very quickly and now is the time to stop and REALLY drink it in, savoring every last drop until drunk with absolute pleasure....!!!!

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

I am hungry and I can't seem to find my favorite template. Ah well, I am sure I will have to cut and paste this to the original Hanging. Nothing like the original, or is that Coor's?

Little less than two weeks my husband will finally be joining us in the states. We miss him..Everything in my life has been revolving around times of communication with him. As in *It's 2pm now, he should be out of rehearsal* or *it's 10pm, he should just be waking up and getting his day started* etc...

I will say, I am not unhappy to leave the states come Sept. I will miss my country terribly, but there is too much upheaval. Also there has been an ALARMING decline in popularity of the arts. When the arts is your bread and butter that's a pretty scary thing. So many symphonies, dance companies and yes even opera companies are going under...lack of interest and sponsor abandoment. Luckliy Europe refuses to follow these trends. Thank God they love their opera and even more so, their Tenors.

So, our dear hero overseas has done the nearly impossible, yet again setting examples and the standard for anyone with any kind of balls to reinvent their self image. He has met anyone and everyone important, smiles on a daily basis, made more contacts in three weeks than most people do in three years. I suppose that's why he is generally successful. When given the opportunity he shines like the first ray of the morning..and refuses to dull. There have been things said, like " in less than five years, you will be one of the most important tenors in the world." Well that's some pretty crazy shit to hear, especially about yourself. We are beside ourselves. Missing each other something awful, but REALLY looking forward to the unknown future. The beauty of my husband really is that he doesn't allow *it* to go to his head. He is merely a man out of the Bronx and Snellville,GA, blessed with an incredible talent and humility. We all could learn a few things from Mr. di Villarosa.


Posted by: Jill / 1:34 PM

I will write soon. I am tired lately and haven't the time. We have moved out of NYC and I am missing it like I'd miss any various limb. Packing up our 107th St and Central Park West dwelling was one of the hardest things I've had to do in a really long time. Our last night in NY (and together) was spent at a reception for some big German and Monte Carlo houses and the who's who in opera. Manny sang so beautifully (as usual). Interestingly enough, he was the only singer invited. And yes there was an encore! (thanks to Peter and myself! :) ) It was a lovely night, I drank my weight in red and white... I don't think mixing wines is a good thing and that night was NO exception. But I was nervous for me, nervous for Manny. It was broadcast live on some German TV news station... Strange to have a camera and blinding light following your every move (especially when most of those moves consisted of back and forth to the wine table). Funny though, that morning I was up at 5:30a PACKING! Dust and crap in my throat, eyes and hair. At 10a it was off to Macy's to buy that traditional floor length black dress... yes and after three hours of shopping at probably one of the worst stores for customer service in the country (that's right kids, "Miracle on 34th St." More like "All of them Assholes who don't know their heads from a hole in the ground on 34th St.") I finally found "the" perfect black dress. And thank God it only took three hours! Not like I had an apartment to pack before the movers came the next morning and my flight out in the aftenoon. But again, there at the Goeths Center there was wine flowing, Manny serenading and a lot of nice ass kissing once his mouth opened. This blogger felt like the work and pain had paid off...in a BIG way! After the reception, we whisked ourselves over to NIKO's, one of our haunts...the best Greek Food NY has to offer (Next to Stelio, my father in law, of course)... mmmm I do believe we ordered yet ANOTHER bottle of wine and were able to sit outside. It was beautiful out! So warm. I had spaghetti straps and needed no coat. It was almost as if the city knew we were leaving and wanted to give us a beautiful, warm, fragrant, rare spring night that NY is so famous for... auf Wiedersehen! We will see you in, at least, two years!

Synonomous with E-V-I-L

I did some research this morning for I was too young to remember the details of the Kurdish massacres Saddam Hussein had ordered. I found pictures, articles, personal eyewitness accounts. There's a lot that should never be forgotten and anyone who says that Operation: Iraqi Freedom is about race or oil obviously is blind to the gruesome facts.

For those of you who are similar to me in that you do not quite recall the tragic events that took place I can sum up in a few brief explanations. Apparently the Iraqi force was incredibly decisive in an absolutely evil way. Villagers had built shelters/basements to shield from bombs. Saddam figured that if he bombed with artillery for several hours many Kurds would resort to shelters under their homes. Several bombs containing chemical agents mustard gas, nerve agents and the mother of all nerve agents VX were heavily dropped onto a population of almost 100,000. The result, bomb shelters became gas chambers. As many as 100 Kurds could be packed into one of these shelters. Children vomited violently, grown men and women bashed their heads into walls, eyes started burning and leaking grayish fluids. For those that were outside, death came quickly and painfully. Some children playing were found dead, draped over doorsteps to their own homes giving an idea that in great pain and fear, they tried to get home to their mothers and fathers but only made it to the entrance ways. Those that survived became blind for several days, some permanently. Burns covered their skins. Children are now born with severe birth defects and subject to Leukemia, Lung Cancer and esophagus cancer at VERY young ages. Miscarriages are vastly numbered. After the bombs were dropped the Iraqi military then came in and rounded up boys and men shooting them execution style and/beheading them. Women and young children were rounded up and taken to prisons where many of the children and elderly died of starvation. One woman recalls first her husband and three older sons taken away and then her three daughters and six year old son and herself being dragged to a prison. Her son became very ill with diarrhea. He died on her lap. The dead would be handed to Iraqi soldiers through a small window in one of the walls. She peeked through the window, making sure that her son would get a proper burial. Instead she saw a group of several dogs feeding on the bodies, actually seeing her son's arm and leg in one of the mouths of the dogs. She said at that moment her mind cracked. Her three daughters kept her alive and tried to bring her out of her stupor all the while still imprisoned. She is still searching for her husband and three older sons.

Iraq has always vehemently denied the exsistince of these nerve agents, especially VX, in their military. The Kurds speak the truth. I think we all need to remember these people. Since Hitler's Nazi regime there has been no larger genocide by gassing than Hussein's evil actions.

Some VERY good news and intriguing pictures of the fall of the Saddam statue in the middle of Baghdad. Also pictures of Dearborn Michigan showed former Iraqis parading in the streets with Iraqi and American flags. Eye candy my fellow Ams. This is an unforgettable moment and as real as the Berlin Wall falling. You could almost hear the relief from Iraqi citizens. Also, reports pouring in, from borders, of Iraqi soldiers asking journalists for rides into Baghdad and shredding military documents. The Regime has fallen and as word spreads across Iraq more and more Republican Guards will surrender. Very exciting and certainly a victory for opressed people worldwide!

Did Saddam really think we were going to have our asses kicked? Apparently he doesn't like to hear bad news and has on occasion 'shot the messenger' if you will. This time it looks as if he has no one left to shoot let alone hold a gun. All he can do is possibly haunt our freedom leaders and cause havoc beyond the grave.

Eat your heart out France and Germany, what do you have to say for yourselves now?

A bit of an ironic twist though, Manny just left to audition for a French Agent. I told him that he should ask the frenchman if he has turned on a TV at any point this morning. I wonder how he is celebrating?!

I'd like to see those protestors marching today... Communism is a very bad idea and obviously my dear, poor protestors, I'm sure much to your dismay - it will NEVER WIN OUT!

More to the point. American journalists and soldiers are being hugged and praised by Iraqi citizens. I think if nothing else, that speaks VOLUMES!!!
All this blogger can say is: Happy 2nd Birthday Adrian!!

One and a half days until Adrian's birthday.... yay!

Saddam is presumed dead. Another reason to celebrate. Pictures of yet another torture chamber were discovered. Not even the bloodiest, goriest of Stephen King novels could rival the images shown.

Emmanuel and I are celebrating this eve with a bottle of Chianti. I hate to admit this but it's going straight to my head. No one has informed Adrian that he isn't quite two yet, though those sneaky terrible twos are creeping, stealthily up our backs and straight up our asses. We have landed in the toddler zone. Adrian wouldn't go to bed until about 10pm thanks to the time springin forward. Also there's the whole idea of allowing him to burn up energy outside on the playground but pretty damn difficult when there's a BLIZZARD ragin...well, today wasn't quite a blizzard but we got 6"+.

Back to the war though... With Saddam (Dr. Satan as I lovingly refer to him as) presumably dead, Pres. Bush has made it ABUNDANTLY clear that he/we do not want UN interference with the New Iraq. Most Americans (most being the operative word) stand behind this decision 100%. Questions, though, are haunting Americans... Primarily: 'Now that the regime has fallen what's to become of foreign policy and what's to become of oil prices? My response to that: Oil will go down, WAY DOWN and FUCK Foreign policy...if you NOW want a piece of the pie seeing that we were right - FUCK YOU... TOO LATE!!!

My fellow Americans, we are VICTORIOUS!! Dance in the Goddamned streets!! Yum, that just rings!

students and birthdays

Its Sunday, a "No work Day" for Manny. BUT!!! Teaching has no day off I suppose and his usual will be arriving at 7pm. There is good news though, a little, probably not exactly what we'd like to hear but sometimes even the smallest gestures create a better atmosphere. A Big Whig at the factory, after two years, finally paid Manny a REALLY GOOD compliment. This is the kind of guy that has all of his fingers in every type of pie around .. He could really pave a way if he felt obliged enough to do so. What will our dear hero do with such a compliment? Well, coach with the gentleman, let him hear face to face/one on one what the world has literally been starving for. Another possible student is learning absolutely invaluable information this morning.. And THIS one has a name! If he takes to heart what Manny says then people will notice great improvement (over time) and hopefully ask where this polished voice came from. "Well, Notarbartolo, of course!" (names changed in case any established eyes get their grubby retinas on this) And the response to that will be: "Wow, Notarbartolo did you say? Yes I know of him.... I think I will give him a call..." etc.. It can only go up from there - at least in speculative terms!

Our 'North Star' will be turning two on the ninth. I can't believe two already. We are going to buy him a tricycle (among various toys and clothing). Terrorists and Anti-warer's beware! The Slide Monitor will soon be carousing around CP on his three-wheeled wonder - Don't cross his path or he's likely to run you down!

Protestor Shmotestor

So if NY'ers don't have enough to worry about there have been 7 cases of SARS in the city, 16 cases statewide. The patients are always "At home recovering" as the media reports. Ummm, ok.. SARS is apparently deadly .. How can you recover from death? Chinatown dwellers are actually starting to wear medical masks. This really sucks because that means that MOST chinese restaurants will be on edge and I LOVE THE CHINESE FOOD HERE! We have deliveries 2-3 times a week, if not more. Man, I already miss pork lo mein and fried dumplings.

I am really getting pissed off at all of these protestors. Last week they shut down 5th ave for several hours. I couldn't take Adrian to the Ferris Wheel at Toys R Us last Saturday because they were marcing in Time's Square. Those MF'ers are infringing on MY freedom to merely walk downtown with my son if I'd like! If your life is so empty that you need something to bitch about, try, if at all possible to bitch in a manner that is not completely contradictory. The muthas that are yelling about this war do not realize that the people they are yelling at are making sure that right doesn't disappear. Seriously now, that soldier is dying in the battlefield to protect a flag that you have the freedom to burn. C'mon now.... has all logical thinking completely gone astray?! We look like idiots thanks to these people! And furthermore, I totally agree with every aspect of Dennis Miller's interview last night on Leno. Michael Moore, if you were all anti establishment and think we are all idiots and you our guiding light, doesn't accepting the Oscar completely undermine your stance?? YOU are what's intolerable in this country. And furthermore, a statuette in your hand certainly doesn't make you an expert on this or ANY war ... so from all of the pro-Americans: SHUT THE FUCK UP! We are absolutely sick of your rhetoric!

I know I certainly don't have to go to my template and format my posts, that's why this "Post and Publish" epicenter of blogspot is here... but It seems to be telling me otherwise.

My husband and I have been thinking it odd that things are back to business as usual in this great country. Turn on any of the networks at any given time and you'd have no idea that we are at war. Maybe that's all in itself a form of pyschological warfare... As saying regardless of how you're afraid and stuck in hiding Saddam, we are and will always be living it up...no matter what!!

What is going on with my Blog??? It was there a second ago now it's gone!!!

The entry level blogger

If you go anywhere go here Where is Raed ? Its thought provoking, witty, sarcastic, brilliant, touching and deeply unforgettable. I have to say thank you to Raed for creating probably one of the best blogs I have ever seen.

Crim, I really dig the idea of Hanging Crim for this blog. I should've asked permission first, but I really think it relates well to current events... My own analyzation of the term.

Onwards and upwards. Here we are again. While the monitor glares at me the fans taunt in unison. 'What could she possibly gain by wasting yet another hour with us?' A BLOG of course!!

Well the heat is off again, no hot water, apparently something with the boiler, but isn't that always the excuse? Brown water filled my bathtub this morning and as the water slowly began to drain the usual sludge coated the porcelain. Ah Lovely day, eh? The reason to continue living is fast asleep in his crib, the other reason is wasting his unparalleled talent and beauty at the Met. Sitting in a dark auditorium listening to singers who simply can't hold a candle, knowing that it'll NEVER happen there. Too much political shit and the widespread fear that the fourth will rise up and become the one. You'd think that talent would speak for itself... HA!!! Not at the establishment/factory that is the Met. That type of utter disregard is enough to get even the most optimistic down. But onwards we must forge. NYC is on the verge of a mental collapse. Today a strange cardboard box was found on 74th and Amsterdam. Apparently this scary box brought the Upper West Side to its knees. Well, when it happens on the Bklyn Bridge or Midtown or even Lower Manhattan its far enough away to barely evoke a raising of my eyebrows but for this 107th and CPW resident, its a little too close to home this time. There is an underlying theme here though and it needs to be consulted. Could it be that we have conditioned ourselves in believing we no longer live in the safest country in the world? Paranoia is contagious and its feeds our needs. These war protestors are a perfect example of that. Do you really think its for activism? No, its paranoia and a way of dealing with anxiety. A person alone is an individual, in a mass that person ultimately becomes the mass. Fear spreads like wildfire and fear spurns hate. Onwards and upwards it pushes until it engulfes an entire community, then a state then a nation. Well to this blogger's eyes, its all bullshit. To the protestors...SHUT UP and look at the facts! This elite Republican Guard uses human shields! Elite my ass, elitism does not mean cowardess! And that's what they are, COWARDS!! Killing their own people for the sake of power and control... If Saddam wasn't a paranoid fuck none of this would've happened. Also we are fighting for homeland security. I don't care what anyone says, NONE of us want to see another WWII Hitler type regime win out. Saddam must be taken out! Unfortunately war is the direct resolution to this problem. But I as an American can say with head held high that I am proud to live in a nation that does not fear public scrutiny and fights for the greater good. We as Americans must stand together on this one. Its for our children's future that the way is being paved. Know that after we die maybe this unfortunate war will have created a much better environment in which to live. Yes I know it's hard to look past yourself in terms of life and death.. but consider the options and I'm sure you will come to the same conclusion.